Goals Are Not Boxes to Tick

Every year, many people write down goals. Many others never do. Some find them motivating. Others find them restrictive or even pointless. And yet, psychology has been studying goals, habits, and change for a long time, and the results are surprisingly consistent.

Goals, it turns out, are not nearly as simple as they look.

For a long time, goals were treated mainly as targets. Something to reach. Something to cross off a list. But research in behavioral psychology shows that lasting change rarely happens at the level of outcomes. It happens at the level of habits, identity, and self-image.

In other words, what really matters is not just what we achieve, but who we become in the process.

This explains a familiar experience. Many people reach something they have worked toward and feel only briefly satisfied, or even strangely empty. The external situation changed, but the internal structure stayed the same. Without a deeper shift in habits or identity, the result often does not hold much meaning.

The goals that tend to feel meaningful are different. They force us to build new routines. To think differently. To act differently. To slowly become the kind of person who can naturally do the thing the goal demands. When that happens, the achievement itself often feels almost secondary. It is more like a confirmation that something inside has already changed.

This way of looking at goals is supported by a lot of modern work in psychology and behavioral science. Researchers increasingly distinguish between outcome goals, process goals, and identity-based change. Sustainable growth tends to happen when goals are aligned with daily behavior and with the kind of person someone is becoming, not just with a number, a milestone, or a checkbox.

Seen this way, goals are not really about getting things. They are about becoming someone.

They are not so much destinations as they are directions. Or maybe even better, they are mirrors. They show us who we need to become in order to move in a certain direction.

Goals can also be seen as stepping stones. They often mark transitions rather than endings. A goal can be something we want to own, a financial target, a skill we want to acquire, or an achievement we wish to reach. But once reached, it often opens the door to a new direction and sometimes to a new identity.

This is something I have seen very clearly in my own life. At some point, I decided to write a blog post every day. I did not become a blogger because I reached some milestone. I became a blogger because I started showing up and writing, day after day. In the same way, I decided to learn how to fly an FPV drone. At first, I was just someone crashing a drone again and again. Over time, through practice, I became an FPV pilot.

Now that I have learned the basics, a new goal has naturally appeared. I no longer want to focus on repeating difficult maneuvers for their own sake. I want to learn how to fly cinematically. I want the footage to become more pleasing to watch, not just a record of technical tricks. It is a shift in focus, and in a way, a shift in identity too.

And when I decided to publish a video on YouTube every week, I did not become a YouTuber because of views or subscribers. I became one because I committed to the process and kept going.

In all of these cases, the label came last. The identity changed first, through repeated action.

This perspective also explains why some people prefer not to make their goals public. There is research suggesting that publicly announcing goals can sometimes reduce follow-through, because the brain already receives a form of social reward before any real work has been done. For many, goals work better as a quiet, personal commitment than as a public declaration.

Of course, goals are not a way to control life. Life has its own plans. Circumstances change. Priorities shift. Unexpected things happen. That does not make goals useless. It makes them tools rather than contracts. They give direction without pretending to offer certainty.

They also do not have to be grand or dramatic. Goals do not have to be about changing the world, reinventing yourself, or achieving something spectacular. Often, the most powerful ones are small and almost boring on the surface. Writing a little every day. Practicing something regularly. Showing up again and again. Over time, these small commitments quietly reshape who we are.

And to be fair, not everyone needs goals in the same way. Some people grow more through exploration, intuition, or simply responding to what life brings. Some feel constrained by too much structure and do better with a more open approach. There is no single correct method. What matters is whether the way we live is actually helping us become the kind of person we want to be.

Still, seen from a psychological point of view, goals at their best are not boxes to tick.

They are mirrors.

They show us who we are becoming.

Sometimes, it can feel like most people do not really work with goals in this way. Many live more intuitively, or more reactively, or simply do not talk about it. Maybe that is just an impression. Maybe it is not.

That is why it is interesting to hear how different people relate to this.

Do you write down goals at all, or do you prefer to keep things open? Do goals help you build better habits and direction, or do they feel like pressure and limitation? And have you ever noticed that some goals changed you more than they changed your circumstances?

If you feel like sharing, even just a few lines, I would genuinely enjoy reading your perspective.